And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
