I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Your cock deserves a montage
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
