Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
