im drinking this country out of the recession.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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