the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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