do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
