you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
