This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
