She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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