please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
