I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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