she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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