Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
