I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
