This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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