My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
