The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
