Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
