she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sext me about skeletons
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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