can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
