i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
