I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
