I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
