I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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