i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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