whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize