I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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