im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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