I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
