I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
