Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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