2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
