I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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