how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
