I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
