He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There's always time for handjobs
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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