RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he thought i was a dude.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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