it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
