I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
