That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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