I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
