is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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