shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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