He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
