im six kinds of drunk right now
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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