I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
