i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
