Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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