Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
