People with herpes should wear stickers.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
God, I missed his penis.
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