their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
