I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
