she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize