Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
