he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
