You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
