Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
