I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize