I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
