Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just threw up on my dentist
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
