Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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