I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
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