I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
