But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
