I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
