we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
