Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
