I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Randomize
