I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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