upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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