she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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