I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
