God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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