so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
