Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
