You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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