You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
