I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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